


ain't going backwards (won't ask for space)

by everyotherfreckle



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends With Benefits, basically a hella long fwb au omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 00:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6882025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyotherfreckle/pseuds/everyotherfreckle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>so they're totally a cliche. best friends who don't have much luck dating start sleeping with each other. it's the plot to almost every terrible romcom rey's seen but her life is not some bad romantic comedy. she and finn can totally handle being friends with benefits. totally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ain't going backwards (won't ask for space)

**Author's Note:**

> so here are some things to note:
> 
> 1) this was originally supposed to be a drabble until it sprouted horns and turned into this monstrosity  
> 2) this is the first time i've ever written anything even close to being considered smut so...its probably pretty bad  
> 3) ~~stupid~~ title from nick jonas' "closer"
> 
> and without further ado...here's my giant trash fic!!

Rey's drunk.

Really drunk.

Like really, _really_ drunk.

She blames the fact that she's so drunk on the overall shitty week she's had. So when Poe texted that he was having a little party at his place and that the alcohol would be flowing freely, she jumped at the invitation.

She intended to drink a lot - just enough to erase the memory of the two bad dates she went on and the fact that her boss is a dick and the overall fact that her life currently sucks - but she certainly didn't mean to drink _this_ much.

One beer turned into two and two shots turned into three and now she's curled up outside on Poe's expensive patio furniture staring at the night sky, attempting to count the stars. It's so peaceful that she almost doesn't mind that she's sort of probably freezing to death. Almost.

She hears the patio door slide open and ruin her peaceful moment with the sound of loud dance music and conversations she can't quite make out. She turns to chew out whoever just stomped all over her silence - and ruined her count; she was up to forty-four - but when she sees who it is, she's suddenly okay with her silence being interrupted.

"Finn!" Rey all but springs up and throws her arms around him. He's so warm. And solid. But he always is. So warm and solid, her Finn.

"Hey, Poe told me you were out here." His hands are at her waist, pulling her back so he can get a good look at her. She's sure she looks horrible. Alcohol always seems to make her red in the face and it's pretty windy out so she knows her hair is a mess. He still smiles at her anyway. "Why are you out here? It's freezing, you're gonna catch a cold."

On cue, he shrugs off his jacket and wraps it around her shoulders. It smells just like him and it's wonderful.

"Aren't you gonna be cold now?" She asks - slurs, really.

He shakes his head and grabs the beer off the table next to them that she didn't see him set down. "Alcohol makes me warm for some reason."

She knows the reason, the scientific reason, but her thoughts are all fuzzy. She probably couldn't articulate it to him even if she really wanted to.

"To answer your earlier question," she grabs his hand and pulls him over to the love seat. "I was out here counting stars. Got all the way up to forty-something before you came out."

"Wow, impressive."

They settle on the love seat in a comfortable position. Her back to his chest, one of his arms around her, the other nursing his beer. It's so familiar and lovely and she loves that Finn is her best friend.

Rey isn't sure how long they sat out there, only that at some point she fell asleep and when she wakes up she's (thankfully) not as drunk as she once was.

Finn's asleep too. She can feel his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm behind her.

She turns in his arms, poking him in the chest a few times to wake him up. "Finn, get up."

He stirs and opens his eyes, blinking down at her a bunch of times. He smiles and it's all soft and sleepy and it makes Rey feel...a way she should not feel about her best friend.

"We fell asleep." He says, rubbing at his right eye.

"We did." She agrees before pulling her phone out of her pocket and checking the time. "It's almost three, we should leave."

Finn nods. He waits for her to stand before getting up himself. They're standing nearly toe to toe and Rey is so busy mentally deciding just how dangerous calling an Uber at this time of night could potentially be, she doesn't even notice the way he's looking down at her.

"So do you wanna share a ride or - "

And then he's kissing her. He is _kissing_ her. _Finn_ is _kissing_ her.

Why is Finn kissing her?

As soon as she's able to somewhat wrap her mind around what's happening, Rey pushes him away.

"What the hell, Finn?"

His eyes are comically wide. "Oh my god, Rey, I'm so sorry! I don't know why I did that, it's just - _fuck_. You were just standing there and the moon is kind of illuminating us perfectly and you look so pretty and alcohol always makes me do weird shit and - I am so, _so_ sorry. "

He's flustered and breathing heavily and it's sort of adorable.

"You don't have to apologize. It was just unexpected is all. Next time you should at least ask first."

He nods before quirking an eyebrow. "Wait, next time?"

Rey would be lying if she said she hasn't thought about kissing Finn before. Yeah, they're just friends - good friends; _best_ friends - but it's not like she can just ignore the fact that he is a very attractive guy. Like, very, _very_ attractive. Like if she hadn't known him since she was a preteen and he was just some guy she randomly met, she would most definitely want to do way more than just kiss him.

But that doesn't mean she actually wants to do way more than kiss him. She thinks.

"Do you want me to kiss you again?" He asks, half unsure, half smug.

"I mean," she shrugs. "I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to it."

"Okay then. I'm gonna kiss you. Again. And not in an awkward way like before, but in like, a cool sexy way." He reaches a hand towards her face before quickly jerking it away. "Wait how drunk are you right now? Because I don't wanna take advantage of you or anything."

She rolls her eyes. Sometimes Finn is too sweet for his own good. "I'm a little bit more than tipsy but I completely consent to this so if you don't mind getting on with it, yeah?"

Consent given, - he really is the sweetest guy she knows - he ducks his head and presses his lips against hers. It's still awkward at first, probably because they're both in their heads about it, but within seconds things become decidedly less awkward.

Turns out, Finn is a great kisser. In fact, he doesn't kiss like Rey thought he would. She didn't think he would be a bad kisser - in high school, the gossip around the girls' locker room was that he was an amazing kisser; rumor confirmed - but he's just always so nice and gentle she assumed that'd be the way he kissed.

She was very wrong.

He's kissing her with so much desire, so much _want_ , it's almost bruising. One hand is carding through her hair - he's completely destroyed her bun - and the other is gripping her waist, pulling her hips into his. It's the most toe-curling kiss Rey has ever gotten in her life and she never wants it to end.

Her lungs, however, could use a small break.

When she pulls away, Finn lets out a barely audible whine - an actual honest-to-god _whine_ \- and Rey wonders for a nanosecond how upset Poe would be if they had sex on his really expensive patio furniture.

Then she's mildly horrified she just thought about having sex with her best friend.

"So," Finn clears his throat, his fingers flexing on her hip. "Was that, uh, better than the first time?"

It seems ridiculous that he's even asking. "That was literally the best kiss I've ever gotten in my entire life."

He smiles and wets his lips. She wants to kiss him again. "Glad to hear that."

So, yeah, Finn's her best friend and there are some lines you just don't cross with your best friend, but Rey wants him right now in a way she has never wanted anyone before and if she doesn't get him she's quite sure she'll explode.

"Finn, do you want to go back to my apartment?" She unabashedly blurts out. "You know, to kiss some more and...do other stuff, maybe?"

The grin he flashes absolutely melts her. "Yes Rey, I would love to go back to your apartment to kiss some more and maybe do other stuff."

"Great." This is actually going to happen. She's actually (maybe) going to sleep with her best friend. "Let me just call us a cab."

////

Finn ends up having to give the cab driver a hefty tip to make up for the way they acted like horny teenagers in the backseat the entire ride to Rey's place.

Which they basically are. Minus the teenager part, of course.

It's a wonder they were even able to get into her apartment given how they could barely keep their hands off of each other. By the time they actually walk - more like tumble, really - through the front door, Finn's already tugging her shirt over her head and Rey's fingers are working on the button of his jeans.

"This is so crazy, right?" He mutters against her lips as they try and make their way to her bedroom without killing themselves in the process. "I mean I've thought about this for so long and now it's actually happening!"

_That_ gets Rey to stop.

She pulls away from him, chest heaving from being out of breath. "You've thought about this before?"

"Well, yeah." Finn shrugs, taking a step out of her personal space. "Don't get me wrong, I cherish our friendship and everything, but it was always kind of hard not to fantasize about a night like this with you."

"You fantasized about me?" She asks with a smirk, leaning back against the wall behind her.

"Oh yeah," he says, approaching her. He surprises her by lifting her off of the ground and she surprises herself by instinctually wrapping her legs around his waist. "I fantasized a lot."

His pupils are blown with desire and she has half a mind to let him take her right there in the hallway.

"Take me into the bedroom. Now." She says before pressing her lips hard against his.

They're both moving with a bit more urgency now. Finn carries her as quickly as he can into her room and gently places her on the bed - because he's still a gentleman, after all - before kicking off his jeans. Rey follows suit and wiggles out of her own, suddenly feeling thankful her shirt was discarded back in the foyer.

Rey can only recall one other time prior to now that she's seen Finn in his underwear. It was the summer after her freshman year and his sophomore year of high school. His foster parents threw a pool party and in the midst of trying to get herself a towel, she had accidentally walked in on him changing into his swim shorts. She didn't see much, just his blue and black stripped boxers, but it was enough at the time to leave her red in the face for the next thirty minutes.

Things have changed since then. He's a boxer-briefs guy now and seeing him in the clingy fabric is a lot more of a welcome sight than it used to be.

She looks up - yes, she was staring; she has no shame - just in time to see him raise an eyebrow. "I take it you approve?"

"Actually," he's looking a little too cocky for her liking, no pun intended. "I was wondering why out of all the underpants you own, you chose to wear the Captain America ones."

He pouts and places his hands firmly on his hips. "Listen, I like Cap, okay? These are an _awesome_ pair of undies! Plus," he wets his lips with a smirk. "We both know the shield wasn't what you were staring at."

Rey starts to say something until she notices the way Finn's looking - more like leering, actually - at her. She suddenly very conscious of the fact that she's lying on her bed in nothing but her underwear and sort of feels the need to cover herself.

"Well now _you're_ staring." She says, resisting the urge to pull her comforter over her body.

"That's 'cause you're sort of fucking beautiful." He says it with such sincerity it floors her a bit. He grabs her hands and pulls her so she's sitting upright before pressing his lips to the inside of her left palm. "Really, _really_ beautiful."

Rey grabs him by the shoulders - they're so broad and muscular; how had she not noticed before how fit he is? - and gently pulls him down on top of her. Her mouth slants over his, lips parting to deepen their kiss. His hand slides underneath her back, fingers fiddling with the hook of her bra, which isn't actually there.

"Front clasp, genius." She smiles against his mouth. He nips playfully at her lower lip in response before reaching between their bodies to unhook the clasp.

As soon as the fabric leaves her skin, Rey suddenly feels a bit exposed. She isn't super self-conscious about her body, but she isn't exactly super confident either. But the way Finn's gazing at her, like she's made of pure gold, does help her feel slightly less embarassed about things.

He shakes his head, laughing quietly to himself. It totally kills the moment.

"Yes, Finn, please laugh after you've seen my breasts; that makes me feel real good." She says sarcastically, folding her arms over her chest.

"No, no, no," he laughs, pulling her arms away from herself. "I'm laughing because," his tongue darts out to wet his lips, eyes racking over her. "You're perfect."

God, he is absolutely, unequivocally the sweetest guy she knows.

She smiles shyly before nodding in the direction of his waistband. "Alright, you next."

Finn nods, lifting his hips, and frees himself from his underwear. And it's completely the wrong thing to do in the moment, but Rey giggles. Quite loudly.

"Okay, if this is payback for what I did earlier - " And Finn looks absolutely hurt.

"No, it's not you, I swear. It's just," she struggles for a nice way to put this. "Penises are just really weird to look at."

He quirks an eyebrow. "But not mine specifically, right?"

She shakes her head. "No, Finn, yours is actually quite nice. I'm, you know, excited to see what all it can do."

"This is literally the weirdest pre-sex conversation I have ever had." He deadpans.

"I'm sorry, let's change the topic." She tentatively reaches down and takes him in her hand. He sucks in a sharp breath and his body goes rigid. "Or we could not talk at all?"

"Yep," he grunts out. "No more talking."

"Actually, wait!" Rey yells, releasing him from her grasp. His eyes squeeze shut and he lets out a shuddered breath. "One more thing. Promise me that we won't become a cliche after this."

"A cliche?"

"The whole 'friends with benefits' cliche. Where we have sex and swear that we're just friends but somehow end up falling in love." She wags a finger in his face. "We are _not_ doing the friends with benefits thing, okay? We are just...getting this out of our systems. This is a one time thing!"

"Rey, I promise you we will not become a cliche." Finn leans up and presses a kiss to her forehead. "Now, can we please continue?"

She nods eagerly. He covers her mouth with hers, muffling the small noise she emits when his hand finds her breast, kneading gently.

This time, it's Finn who pulls away after a few moments with suddenly something he has to say.

"Hang on, can I ask you something?" She really wishes he wouldn't because she needs him, like, now, but she nods anyway. "It's just, you've never mentioned it to me before - and I honestly wouldn't expect you to - but, are you...you know? A, uh, virgin?"

"Why?" She swallows, trying to put on her best poker face. "Is that a problem?"

She figured that particular question might be asked tonight. Honestly, the whole virginity concept doesn't mean much to Rey - she isn't consciously trying to stay 'pure' or anything, she just hasn't met anyone she wants to have sex with; until tonight, of course - but clearly it means something to Finn.

"Maybe?" He shrugs. "I don't know. I don't want your first time to be like this, you know? I want it to be special. You deserve special."

Leave it to Finn to be concerned about something like that.

"Finn, you're plenty special. You're, like, the most important person in my life." She doesn't say it but she can't think of anyone in this moment she would rather lose her virginity to other than him. Sure, it won't be overly emotional or uber romantic but it will still be special. She's certain of that.

"You sure? I don't want you to regret this." He says, hands fanned out in front of him.

"Trust me, I won't. Now please get over here and touch me before I explode."

It's all the encouragement he needs.

Finn hovers over her again, quickly pressing his lips against hers for a moment before peppering kisses down the column of her throat. He works his way down the valley of her breasts to her stomach before she stops him.

"Wait, what - what are you doing?" Technically, Rey knows what he's doing - or rather, where he's intending to go - but she figured she'd ask anyway. Buy herself a few more seconds to mentally prepare for it.

He smiles up at her. "Don't worry, alright? Just relax. I'm gonna take care of you."

His words cause a nervous flutter in her stomach. She almost can't believe this is happening with Finn, of all people.

He picks up where he left off, leaving a trail of hot, open-mouth kisses near her navel. She tenses when his lips meet her hip and he pulls away, eyes glancing up at her. He hooks his fingers into the waistband of her underwear and pulls them down, eyes still trained on hers.

"Let me know if you want me to stop, okay?" She nods, not able to find her voice at the moment.

He presses another kiss to her hip before moving down to the inside of her left thigh. He makes sure to give the same attention to the inside of her right thigh, sucking lightly at the sensitive skin as if he's trying to leave a mark. The teasing is become nearly unbearable when his lips finally makes contact with her center and -

Oh.

Rey fists at the bedsheets beneath her, eyes screwing shut and mouth falling open. She isn't quite sure how to describe what she's feeling other than fucking amazing. _Finn_ is fucking amazing.

"Finn," his name leaves her mouth more as a shudder than an actual word as her hands find purchase in his short hair. He hums in response and she swears it almost kills her.

It feels somewhere in between a lifetime and not nearly long enough before she feels a familiar sort of pressure building low in her.

"Shit, Finn, I think I'm gonna - " Before she can get the words out, he completely stops. And she isn't proud of it but, she actually whimpers because she was _so_ _close_.

He kisses his way up - her thigh, her stomach, her breasts, her neck - before capturing her lips again. It's pretty much the most erotic thing she's ever experienced, being able to taste herself on his lips.

"That felt amazing. Why'd you stop?" Rey all but whines once he pulls away.

Finn runs a hand over her hair. "Sorry, but I couldn't see you and I really wanted to see you."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion. "See me? I don't understand - "

He cuts her off by sliding a finger inside of her. She always knew he had strong hands, but she never once imagined them being used in this way. Now she can't think of any other use for them other than this.

"You have no idea how long I've thought about doing this," he whispers hotly against the shell of her ear. "About getting to touch you like this."

Her senses are being completely overloaded. The things he's saying coupled with the things he doing - she may be a virgin, but she's done this to herself plenty of times. Yet somehow Finn seems to know how to work her body better than she does. She's positive she's never felt this good before in her life.

When she feels herself getting close, she latches on to him, fingernails digging into his forearm. He seems to know what she's doing and leans over to kiss her, still keeping up his ministrations.

Her orgasm washes over her and he keeps his lips firmly against hers, his mouth absorbing the loud cry she wants so badly to let out. Which, in hindsight, she supposes she should be thankful for. Her apartment has thin walls and she's got nosey neighbors.

Finn presses a kiss to her temple as she tries to catch her breath and regain some semblance of composure.

"God, you're amazing." He says and it feels backwards. _She_ should being saying that to _him_ right now.

Rey points toward her nightstand in response. "There should be condoms in the middle drawer."

He moves over, reaching into the drawer and pausing before taking one. "You still wanna do this, right? Because if all you wanted to do was get off, we can stop right now. I'd be okay if that's what you wanted."

It's a sweet sentiment but Rey knows it's not entirely true. He's been hard practically since they got out of the taxi and it has to be painful for him at this point. If he's going to take care of her, she's gonna take care of him too.

She reaches up to cup his cheek. "I want this, okay? I want _you_."

"Alright, let's do this then. Actually," He tears open the condom, pausing to point a pair of finger guns at her. "Let's do each other."

Of course Finn manages to be a dork even in the middle of a moment like this. _Of course_.

"Are you purposely trying to kill the mood or is this just all happening by accident?"

He mumbles something about her 'being jealous of his clever joke' before sliding the condom on - he also doesn't miss the opportunity to comment on how they have _Jakku Community College_ printed largely on the neon packaging; so she stole a bunch of condoms from her school's health center, sue her - and crawling back over to her.

Finn's hovering above her, arms bracketing her sides, searching her face for any signs of hesitation. He's not going to find any.

"You ready?" He asks and Rey laughs mostly because it sounds more like they're about to go on some roller coaster rather than have sex. And also because she's pretty damn nervous.

"Yeah, just - just go slow, okay?" She says, bringing her hands up to hold on to his shoulders.

Finn nods, eyes searching one last time for apprehension, before shifting his hips and lowering himself inside her.

Rey gasps, fingernails dragging across his shoulder blades. It's slightly uncomfortable - she was always told it would be the first time - but it's a very welcomed sense of discomfort.

"You okay?" Finn asks, voice sounding absolutely strangled. She knows she's probably drawing blood from his shoulders but her grip on him feels like the only thing keeping her rooted to the ground right now.

"Yeah, I'm fine just - " she lets out a shaky breath. "Don't move yet."

She's trying to adjust to him, the feeling of herself around him. She could probably wax poetic about how it feels, how he feels, but her mind is currently only capable of creating simple sentences. After a few moments, she smooths her hands down his shoulders and the expanse of his back.

"Want me to move now?" He asks, somehow already knowing what she needs without her having to ask for it. She nods and it's only another moment before she feels him start to move.

Finn takes up an excruciatingly slow pace. Rey knows he's doing it for her benefit, trying to be as gentle as he possibly can, but -

"Finn, I'm not gonna break, okay? You can actually move a little faster." She bites down on her lower lip. "I actually _need_ you to move faster."

"Alright, just let me know - "

"Yeah, I'll tell you if it's too much but for now just do it, please?"

His pace quickens ever-so-slightly but it feels perfect. So much so in fact that it gives Rey the confidence to rock her hips into his. She gets a low sounding growl - because it sounded quite animalistic - from Finn for her efforts.

" _Fuck_ , Rey," he breathes and her attempts to match him must spur him on to go a bit faster.

There practically isn't a part of their bodies that aren't touching, yet Rey feels like she's needs him closer, like she needs more of him.

He ducks his head down to the crook of her neck. He's moaning her name against her skin and she's certain in that moment she can feel the buzz of every cell in her body.

He's close, she can tell. His thrusts are becoming slightly more erratic - he's actually biting down lightly on her shoulder - so she tilts her head to nibble at his earlobe, whispering things to him that under any other circumstance would make her furiously blush.

Finn climaxes with a roar and it's the greatest sound Rey thinks her ears have ever heard. She follows suit - god, he's made her genuinely come twice; he's gonna be way too proud of that - and the noise she lets out is not at all quiet.

He laughs, hand covering her mouth as he shushes her. "Shh! You live next door to an eighty-year old woman. You're gonna give that poor lady a heart attack!"

She playfully bites at his fingers, getting him to jerk his hand away. Mrs. Young shouldn't even be awake at this hour anyway. And if they happened to wake her, well, that's payback for her cat always peeing on the plants Rey keeps on her balcony.

Finn collapses beside her, skin slick with sweat, and stares up aimlessly at the ceiling.

Rey doesn't even have to ask; she's almost certain he's thinking the same thing she is.

"So, how about we split a PB&J sandwich, replenish ourselves and do that again?" She turns to look at him, a devious grin on her face. "Only this time, I wanna be on top."

"You wanna be on - " he clears his throat. "I'll just go make that sandwich right now then. Be back in a minute!"

Rey laughs as he scampers off - still stark naked - out of her bedroom and into the kitchen.

While he's gone, it gives her a moment to think and it doesn't take long for the realization to hit her.

This is most definitely not just a one time thing and they are most definitely going to be doing it again.

////

So they're totally a cliche.

Best friends who don't have much luck dating start sleeping with each other. It's the plot to almost every terrible romcom Rey's seen but her life is not some bad romantic comedy. She and Finn can totally handle being friends with benefits. Totally.

"You left scratches on my back the other night." Finn says one afternoon - because, yes, they've taken to hooking up in the middle of the afternoon now - when they're lying in his bed, post-sex.

Rey scoffs. "No I did _not_."

"Yes you did!" He says, turning to face her. "I was at the gym with Slip yesterday and when I was changing my shirt in the locker room he asked why I had _several_ scratches going down my back."

"What did you say?" They haven't exactly discussed whether or not they'd tell anyone about their little arrangement, but Slip is one of Finn's closest friends and Rey isn't sure if that means he gets to be on the very short list of people that know.

"I told him the truth." Rey raises an eyebrow. "The truth being that the girl I slept with the night before was a complete animal."

She grabs one of the pillows from beneath her feet - how they ended up down there she'll never know - and smacks him with it.

"Ow! Sorry! Sorry!" He says, catching the pillow before it hits him again. "You do realize I'm gonna have to get you back now, right?"

She rolls her eyes. "Please don't tell me we're about to get into a pillow fight."

"No, not for that." He laughs, tossing the pillow back at their feet. "For the scratches. You marked me now I gotta mark you."

"And what exactly does that mean?"

Finn answers her question by leaning over and attaching his lips to her neck, teeth lightly scraping against her skin.

"Finn," Rey means for his name to come out stern, but it ends up sounding more breathless than anything. She can feel him smiling. Jerk.

"Finn!" She tries again and achieves the tone she was originally aiming for. "If you give me a hickey I will never have sex with you - "

His tongue grazes over _that_ spot on her neck - he knows exactly what he's doing - and elicits a low moan from her. His fingers trace over hip and head for her inner thigh, but before he can go any further - god knows she wants him to go further - the alarm on her phone goes off.

Rey shoves his hand away and grabs her phone off of his nightstand.

"Press snooze so we can finish what we started." Finn mutters against her skin.

"What _we_ started? I didn't start anything. _You're_ the one that wanted to suck on my neck." She says.

He laughs, pulling his lips away from her completely. He drapes his arm over her middle and watches her tap at her phone. "What was the alarm for?"

"My late-afternoon class." He groans, tightening his grip on her as if it'll keep her from getting up. "If I don't go home and shower now, I'll be late. Again."

Rey doesn't bring it up, mostly because she doesn't have time to argue about it, but she's been tardy to her late-afternoon economics class twice already because of a certain _someone_. One more time and she's pretty sure her professor is going to start questioning the validity of her ' _got stuck in traffic_ ' excuse. Especially if she shows up with the nice, new hickey on her neck.

"School is dumb." Finn says petulantly with a pout. "Staying in bed with me, on the other hand, is not."

"Sorry," Rey shrugs out of his hold and sits up, pulling his comforter with her. She reaches down beside the bed to grab his shirt from off of the floor to slip on. "I would love to stay but I gotta go get my education so I don't have to work for Plutt for the rest of my life."

Finn frowns at the mention of her boss. "You know how much I hate that guy, right? He treats you like shit and you should be treated like diamonds. Really big, sparkly diamonds."

"Well," she glances at the clock on his nightstand. She actually won't be able to get back to her apartment to shower and make it to class on time. She'll have to use his shower. "I guess you'll just have to treat me like a really big sparkly diamond until I'm able to quit!"

Rey disappears into his bathroom before he can reply. She vaguely hears him shout something about food but any noise from outside of the bathroom gets drowned out by the sound of the shower running.

When she's done, she walks back out into Finn's bedroom to find him gone and the apartment smelling strongly of cooked food. She quickly dresses - she steals one of his favorite hoodies as retaliation for leaving the decent sized soon-to-be purple-ish mark right on the side of her neck - and pads into the kitchen.

Finn's standing at the kitchen counter - thankfully he had the decency to at least put on some sweatpants; he has been known to cook naked - sliding two grilled cheese sandwiches onto a plate.

"Oh Finn," Rey walks up behind him, sliding her arms around his waist and resting the side of her face against his back. "You're sweet, but you didn't have to make me anything. I could've picked up something on my way to school."

"It was nothin'," he says grabbing the plate and moving towards the kitchen table, dragging her along with him. She lets go of him in favor of taking a seat. "Plus, let's be honest, my grilled cheese is way better than anything you would have picked up."

Rey shrugs - she'll give him credit where credit's due; he does make a helluva grilled cheese - and digs into her sandwich.

They've only been sleeping together for a few weeks but so far, their relationship doesn't feel any different. Besides the whole sex thing, they still basically do the same stuff they've always done. They still binge-watch shows on Netflix and go out for froyo and he helps her study and she provides an ear when he needs to yell about his job. He still makes her grilled cheese sandwiches.

Despite the fact that they now probably know each other's bodies just as well as they know their own, Rey and Finn are still very much best friends.

See? Totally crushing this friends with benefits thing.

\\\\\\\

A few weeks later Slip's birthday rolls around so of course Finn throws him a party.

He hosts it at Poe's town home and invites a ridiculous amount of people and all indications are that it was going to be a fantastic night.

Rey's watching Finn and Slip take part in some really bad karaoke - they're totally butchering _SexyBack_ but at least they're having fun - when she feels someone tap her on the shoulder. She turns around to see it's a guy she doesn't recognize.

"Hey, you're Rey, right?" He asks and she nods. He smiles shyly before extending his hand. "I'm Ezra. I work with Poe and he was just telling me about you."

Rey scans the crowd for Poe and lucky for him, she can't seem to find him. "Good things I hope?"

"Oh yeah, very good things." He laughs, hand running through his wavy, blonde hair. "That's why I decided to come over. He spoke so highly of you I had to meet you for myself."

It's been a while since anyone's tried to flirt with her - probably because she hasn't gone out in the longest; she's been so busy being wrapped up (sometimes literally) in Finn for months - but Ezra's cute and seems sweet enough so why not?

They talk just long enough for her to find out how old he is and where he's originally from before Rey realizes she can't hear Finn's crooning anymore. She looks toward the front of the room to see he's not there anymore. It's just Slip up there all alone making his way through the rest of the song.

"Yeah, so - " Rey holds up a finger, interrupting Ezra's words.

"I'm sorry, I will be back in like five minutes, but I have to go find someone real quick, okay?" She waits for him to nod before taking off to find wherever Finn's gone.

It takes her a minute, but she finally finds him out on the patio, leaning against the wooden railing and staring out at the neighboring homes.

"Hey, you left Slip up there by himself." She says as she walks up beside him, leaning her shoulder into his.

He shrugs. "I needed some air."

"In the middle of your song?"

Finn turns sharply to face her, no trace of amusement on his face. "So who was that guy you were talking to?"

Rey's a little taken aback by the question. "Uh, I think he said his name was Ezra."

"Oh." He huffs, looking away. "He's cute."

She can see exactly where this conversation is headed and can't help but roll her eyes. "Finn, don't do that, okay? Don't get all ' _jealous boyfriend_ ' on me because you have no right to be. You aren't my boyfriend; you are just the guy I'm sleeping with."

He scoffs. "Funny, I thought I was just your best friend that you just so happen to be sleeping with? Now I'm just some guy to you?"

"You know what I mean. We aren't exclusive so if I wanna flirt with other guys, I'm gonna flirt with other guys."

"You gonna sleep with them too?"

There's something dark and possessive about his tone. It's like he's daring her to say yes, and, well, Rey's never been one to back down from a challenge.

"If I want to, maybe." She says, arms crossed over her chest.

Finn clinches his jaw so tight she can see the muscle tick as he does it. He doesn't say anything, just nods, turns on his heel and walks back into the party.

Rey lets out a groan and follows him because she _hates_ when he's mad at her. She can't stand to look at his little angry puppy dog face.

When she catches up to him, he's headed for the door, car keys in hand.

"Finn," she grabs him by the arm and spins him around to stop him. "Don't be mad at me, okay? I won't flirt with anyone here if that's what you want."

He lets out a humorless chuckle. "That's not the - look, I don't care, Rey. Okay? If you wanna flirt with and fuck every guy in this room, I don't care. Like you said, we aren't dating so I have no right to be mad."

"Okay," well now _she's_ starting to get a bit upset with _him_. "But you don't have to be such an arsehole about it."

Finn fixes his lips to say something, then changes his mind and stays silent. Rey's expecting him to walk away and leave but he doesn't. Instead, he takes her by the wrist and leads her into the guest bathroom.

"What are you - " he locks the door behind him and the look on his face makes her heart start to race.

His eyes are dark, clouded with lust and Rey's really confused as to why considering they were just arguing fifteen seconds ago.

"I lied. I do care." He says after a moment. "I cared when we met for coffee the other day and you went on about that guy in your sociology class. I cared when you told me that some dude came into your job and flirted with you. And I care now. I'm trying not to care, believe me, but I can't. I don't want anyone else to have you like I get to have you."

"Well too bad. That's not how this arrangement works." She opts to look at her shoes rather than him, suddenly feeling quite vulnerable under his gaze. "You don't see me throwing a fit every time you talk to some other girl."

Finn steps closer to her, his body just inches away from her's. "That's because I don't want any other girl like I want you."

Rey isn't sure what to say to that so she stays quiet, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. They're not supposed to be having conversations like this. They're not supposed to be getting upset with one another and feeling jealous and possessive and - this is just all wrong.

"So what are you saying then?" She asks even though she's slightly afraid of the answer.

He doesn't answer, instead he closes the little bit of distance between them to kiss her. It isn't like the way he normally kisses her with a pleasant sort of forcefulness. No, this time he kisses her hard, like he's letting out his frustration against her lips. She responds all the same, biting at his lower lip a bit rougher than she probably should.

This is their way of arguing now, she supposed.

Rey pushes him away when his hands start to snake up the back of her shirt. She doesn't dare meet his eyes. Her hands rest against his chest and she can feel his quickened heartbeat underneath her palms.

One of them has to go, that much is obvious, and since she's not Slip's best mate, it should be her.

"Tell Slip I'm sorry that I had to leave the party." She cups his cheek in her hand and it hurts only a little when he doesn't lean into her touch like her normally does. "I'll see you tomorrow, Finn."

Rey spent a good majority of the rest of her night not getting any sleep. It gives her a lot of time to think and - _shit_ , she and Finn just may be starting to get a little in over their heads here.

\\\\\\\

The next morning, Rey wakes up to several text messages from several different people.

Slip wanted to know why she left the party early and if she was okay. Jessika wanted to know why Finn was in such a pissy mood. Poe wanted to know if she liked Enzo - or whatever the hell his name was - and if it's okay for him to pass along her number. Finn wanted to know if she was awake yet and if she'd let him in -

"Wait, what?" Rey mumbles to herself as she checks when the message was delivered - a little over five minutes ago. She springs out of bed and tosses on a pair of yoga pants on her way to the front door.

Finn's on the other side, two cups of coffee and a small brown paper bag in both hands.

"Hey." He greets her with a soft smile. There's still a little bit of tension between them. Rey hates it.

She steps aside, allowing him to enter her apartment. "Sorry, I just got your text. I didn't mean for you to be waiting out there for so long."

"It's alright, it gave me time to finally meet Mrs. Young and the hellhound she calls a cat." He smiles, tentative and lopsided. "And uh, I got you some donut holes and a now semi-hot latte." He hands her the paper bag and the latte. "Oh, and I told them to put a little whipped cream on top like you like."

"Thank you, Finn."

"You're welcome, Rey."

Rey doesn't know what she should say to him, if anything. Before, whenever they would get into an argument, the guilty party would apologize, they'd hug it out and that would be the end of it. Now that they've been sleeping together, things feel slightly more complicated.

Finn sighs and shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "Listen, I came over because I wanted to apologize for how I acted last night."

Well, that was to be expected.

"And I also wanna say that I think we should stop this whole friends with benefits thing."

_That_ , however, was not.

Rey sets the latte and donuts on the kitchen counter, lest she hold them for the entirety of the conversation they're about to have.

"So you wanna stop? Just like that?" She asks, arms folding across her chest.

He shrugs. "I guess so. I mean it was fun at first and I really, really liked it, but now things are starting to get messy and I don't want to risk messing up our friendship over sex."

"Finn, it was just one silly little argument. There's no need to overreact and end a good thing."

And maybe it's selfish or greedy or some other variation of the word, but Rey doesn't want to stop sleeping with him. The sex is downright mind blowing; call her what you must, but she just isn't ready to give that up quite yet.

"Yeah, but that argument showed me a lot." Even though they're in his pockets, his hands are gesturing wildly. It's then Rey realizes why he's got them in there. It's so he won't be tempted to touch her. "I'm starting to have a difficult time not letting my emotions get involved in things that pertain to you and your dating life, so I think it's best we just end it now. Go back to being normal friends."

It feels silly to do so, but Rey finds herself tearing up and she doesn't even know why. It isn't as if this is a breakup - for goodness' sake, they weren't even dating - but it sure as hell feels like one.

Finn hesitates a moment before stepping toward her and wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry but I love you too much to do anything that'll cause me to lose you, Rey."

And she gets it, she totally gets it, but it doesn't change the fact that it completely sucks.

She pulls away from him, thankful none of the tears that threatened to fall actually did. "No, I understand." She tries for a smile and most likely fails. "It was fun while it lasted though, huh?"

"I'll cherish the memories forever." He winces, realizing the implications of what he said. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant - "

"Yeah, yeah. We both know exactly what you meant, you weirdo." Rey says in an attempt to lighten the mood. Finn laughs and so does she but the tension between them is still there. They both ignore it, opting to keep up some light banter and easy conversation while eating the donuts he brought over.

Rey wasn't kidding when she said her life wasn't some terrible romantic comedy because this would have _never_ happened in a terrible romcom. In the terrible romcom version of her life, Finn would've confessed his love for her and she would have confessed her love for him and they would have made love while an Ed Sheeran song played in the background.

Instead, she's listening to Finn tell a story about what he got Slip for his birthday while eating donuts and drinking coffee.

A few months ago, this would've been the perfect morning. But it isn't a few months ago. It's now, and now she almost wishes her life were a terrible romantic comedy.

\\\\\\\

Ezra turns out to be a cool enough guy so Rey indulges him and goes out on a few dates with him. He's nice and funny and easy to talk to and she thinks she might be happy.

It's nice to not be wrapped up in Finn anymore.

Or so she keeps telling herself.

It's the last Saturday of the month so Rey tells Ezra she's busy studying for finals but really it's movie night with Finn. Which is a totally okay thing for them to do now considering they're back to being friends and not just fuck-buddies.

Rey hesitates for a moment before knocking on the door. The last time she was in his apartment was a few days before they ended their arrangement. She tries to push all thoughts of that encounter out of her mind. She can't allow herself to think about him in that way anymore.

She knocks on the door and Finn promptly answers. He's already in his 'movie night outfit'; sweatpants, colorful socks, favorite orange sweatshirt - well, actually. Minus the sweatshirt.

"Where's your hoodie?" Rey asks as she walks inside.

Finn comes up behind her, taking the three DVDs out of her hand. "I couldn't find it in my closet. I think you took it last time you were here."

Right. The last time she was here. When they tried to have a chill night in and catch up on _Sense8_ , which they ended up not being able to do since he decided it'd be more fun to go down on her instead. Yeah. _That_ time.

"Oh, sorry. I'll - " she swallows trying to shake her mind clear of any lingering memories. "I'll bring it back as soon as I can."

He waves her off, popping one of the disks into his Blu-Ray player. "Nah, you can keep it if you want. You love it almost as much as I do."

She won't. She'll be bringing it - along with the others she's accumulated - back first chance she gets.

"So," she toes off her shoes and goes to lounge on his couch. The same couch they've had sex on multiple times, but. Whatever. "Which movie are we watching first? Yours, mine or ours?"

"Ours. _22 Jump Street_." He says, grabbing the remote and joining her on the couch. He goes to press play but stops just short and turns to face her. "Before I forget, how are you and Ezra?"

Rey swallows. She had no idea he knew about her and Ezra. He wasn't supposed to know about her and Ezra. As far as he was concerned, her and Ezra began and ended at Slip's party. And there was only one explanation for how he would know that it didn't.

"Yeah, Poe told me." Finn confirms without her having to ask. He laughs, throwing an arm around her shoulders. "Hey, you don't have to be weird about it. I'm happy you have a boyfriend."

Rey doesn't know why she didn't want Finn to know she had a boyfriend. A couple of months ago he would've been the first person she told. Now it just kind of feels uncomfortable to talk about it with him.

"And you know, since we're back to being just friends," he continues. "You can vent to me about him and I'll listen totally objectively. Like, for instance, if he isn't satisfying you in the bedroom - "

" _Finn_!" She gives him a shove and a slap on the arm when he laughs. "I am not talking to you about anything that pertains to Ezra and I's sex life."

He raises an eyebrow. "So you two are having sex then? You being safe?"

Rey grabs one of the small throw pillows on the end of the couch and buries her face into it. _Why_ is he like this?

"If you must know," she takes her face from the pillow. "We haven't. Not yet, at least."

"Oh." He hums, pursing his lips. "Any particular reason why?"

"Well, it took you and me like ten years to finally hook up so maybe I'm gonna make him wait that long as well."

Rey's deflecting and Finn knows it. He may not know exactly what it is, but he can tell she has a more legitimate reason for not having slept with Ezra yet.

(It actually has to do with the fact that every time Ezra does anything more than give her a chaste kiss, she feels as if she's betraying Finn. Which makes no sense considering she doesn't - and never did - belong to Finn, but she'll dive into that particular issue some other time.)

"Well whenever you two do finally decide to do the deed, I hope you won't scratch up his back as bad as you did mine." He says, finger hovering over the 'PLAY' button on the remote. She snatches it away from him because, _honestly_ , how many times do they have to have this same conversation?

"Okay, first off," she holds up a finger in his face for effect. "I did that like twice and it wasn't even that bad. Get over it."

Finn shakes his head, angling his body slightly towards her. "No, it was more than twice, Rey. Just face it, you're a scratcher. Some people are biters in bed, and you just so happen to be a scratcher."

Rey lifts an eyebrow at him. "Alright, what about all the times you gave me hickeys, then? What does that make you?"

"I'd say that just makes me a passionate lover." He answers and she can't help but roll her eyes. When she looks at him again, the teasing smirk on his face has been replaced by something a lot more serious. "You know why I did that, though, right?"

"You have a weird hickey kink?" She guesses, hoping to lighten to mood a little.

He wets his lips and if she weren't paying close attention, she would've missed the way he leaned into her. "I knew you weren't, but if you were sleeping with anyone else, I wanted them to know that I was there first. That I had you first."

Rey never pegged Finn as the possessive type - in fact he would literally give a stranger his favorite shirt off his back if they needed it - but obviously she was mistaken. His behavior at Slip's party plus this current confession - she didn't think she was ever his but maybe he felt she was.

She laughs, more out of nervousness than anything. "That's - that's a little odd, Finn."

"Yeah," he mumbles softly, not doing much to hide the way he's staring at her lips. "Odd."

Before she can move back or push him away or say something to kill the mood, Finn's kissing her. And she's kissing him back.

It's sloppy and they don't have a good rhythm going and their teeth keep clacking against one another, but neither one of them is exactly trying for an attractive kiss. Finn's kissing her like he's been poisoned and the antidote is on her lips. It's all passion and hunger and it's everything Rey's been sorely missing.

His hands are on either side of her face, trying to keep her as close to him as possible. She's grabbing at the front of his (very thin) t-shirt, wishing for it to be gone. She wants to touch him, wants to feel her skin on his. With a bit of maneuvering, she gets herself in a seated position in his lap. His sweatpants do nothing to hide his obvious arousal and it's wonderful. She rolls her hips against his, smiling when he hisses in response.

"Unless you want this to be over in the next thirty seconds, I would advise you not to do that again." He warns against her lips.

And it's like hearing him speak wakes her from the dreamlike state she's in. It takes every ounce of self control she has, but Rey manages to pull away from him, sliding off of his lap and back onto her original spot beside him.

Finn looks absolutely dumbfounded.

"Finn," she says, fingers coming up to brush against her now sore lips. "You were the one that wanted to end things. Why would you kiss me?"

"Because," he sighs. "Because I'm a lot weaker than I thought I was."

Well, now she's just confused.

"Rey, listen," he slides closer to her and threads his fingers through hers. "I think I may have been a little hasty when I said we should stop sleeping together. I mean I still think we should, I just also think we should maybe have one last...hurrah."

She quirks an eyebrow because there's no way he's actually saying what she thinks he's saying. "So basically what you're saying is you wanna fuck me one last time."

His face scrunches up and he quickly shakes his head. "No! I mean - _no_. No, that's not what I'm saying."

"Kinda sounds like you are though."

"When you put it that way it sounds like it's just for me and it isn't. I know you wanna do it one more time, too."

Rey has to look away because Finn has this freaky ability to look at her face and practically read her mind and now is not the time for him to do that.

Because of course she wants to have sex with him. She was just grinding on his lap a minute ago, after all.

"I can't do that to Ezra." She's only just started dating him barely a week ago. It would be unfair to disregard their new relationship just so she can indulge herself.

Finn scrubs a hand over his face and nods. "Right. You're so right. I shouldn't have put you in a position like that. Sorry."

He wedges his bottom lip between his teeth and - god, she wants his mouth all over her. She wants her own mouth all over him. But like she said, she can't do that to Ezra. She'll just have to sit here and watch these three movies with him and try not to think about how he's sporting a little bit of stubble now and the pleasant way it scratched her slightly when they kissed. And she definitely cannot let herself wonder if his stubble is enough to give the inside of her thighs beard-burn.

Nope. Can't think of any of that.

"Oh, fuck it." Rey groans, throwing her leg over his, straddling him yet again. She feels like a terrible person, but she'll deal with that guilt later. Right now she _needs_ him.

And maybe it's the best sex they've ever had because they know it's the last time, but by the end of it, Finn's back looks like it's been used as a cat's scratching post and Rey's body - below the neck, out of respect, he said - has been dotted with several red marks that'll look more like bruises come morning. He looks completely spent and there's a wonderful ache between her legs and - this was a good idea. This is what they needed.

They cuddle afterwards, which is unusual. She's tucked into his side, his arm wrapped tightly around her. She's alternating between dozing off and pressing feather-light kisses against his chest. He's lazily tracing patterns on her shoulder, sometimes opting to invisibly write his name on her. It's so soothing.

Rey lies there and waits for the guilt to set in. For the ' _oh my god what have I done_ ' to wash over her, but it never does. She's tired and satisfied and sore and happy but not guilty.

And she just doesn't have the energy to look inside herself to figure out why.

\\\\\\\

Rey doesn't see Finn for a while after 'movie night'.

It isn't on purpose or anything, it's just she's got a lot of essays due for school and Finn's gotten really busy with work and Ezra's reached the point where all he wants to do is spend 'alone time' with her - all that leaves very little time for Rey and Finn to hang out.

"So tell me about this Finn guy." Ezra says out-of-the-blue one day. He's sitting at the library table with her, fiddling with his iPad while Rey tries to spruce up her economics paper. He's probably only asked about Finn out of sheer boredom.

"He's my best friend." Rey says, almost a reflex. It's the same thing she says anytime anyone asks her about him.

"How'd you guys meet?" Ezra asks.

She sighs - her thesis statement needs so much work; she needs to get Finn to look it over before she turns it in - and reaches for the textbook next to her. "Uh, I honestly don't really remember. Finn's just always been there, you know? It's like my brain doesn't register the part of my life before I met him."

He snorts and it sounds very condescending. "That's a little codependent, don't you think?"

"So I'm guessing you don't have many close friends?" She replies, just as condescendingly. He scoffs and, okay. She's annoyed now. "Why are you asking about him anyway?"

Ezra was supposed to sit here, provide moral support while she tries to crank out this essay and, most importantly, _be quiet_. She doesn't need him asking a million questions while she's trying to think.

"Two weeks ago I wanted to hang out but you said you couldn't because you had to study. I went out with Poe and Jess that night and imagine my surprise when they informed me there was no way you could be studying because it was the last Saturday of the month and that's always been your and Finn's 'movie night'." He sniffs, arms folding across his chest. "So I may be a little miffed about you lying."

Gosh, men could be so damn sensitive sometimes.

"Ezra," Rey reaches her hand across the table and places it in front of him. "I'm sorry I lied to you, okay? There's no need for you be miffed, though, because Finn and I are just friends. Nothing more."

_Well, actually, we were more at one point_ , she thinks. _But that's long over now_.

Ezra shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his sour expression softening a bit. "Sorry for being a brat about it, it's just - " he runs a hand through his hair. "Jess said you and Finn are really close and, honestly, I'm a little jealous about that. I wanna be that close to you, too, you know? I wanna be the guy you can depend on and trust with all your secrets and all that good stuff."

Rey smiles because, really, it's a sweet thought. It'll probably never happen, he'll most likely never be that guy for her, but it is still a very sweet thought.

She doesn't actually tell him that, of course. She stands firm on the belief that no one will ever usurp Finn's status in her life as _that guy_. Even if Ezra did something super selfless like give her a kidney, he'd still probably be second fiddle to Finn.

(And maybe that's why neither of them have been very successful in the romance department; because no person is as important to them as each other.)

"And I'm pretty sure there will be plenty of opportunities for you to be that guy for me, but first," she taps her textbook with her fingertips. "I gotta finish this stupid paper."

Ezra seems placated, at least for the moment. He doesn't say anything for another five minutes - a sweet, precious five minutes of silence in which Rey actually manages to type a decent paragraph.

"So you two have never done anything, right? Like not even on a dare or anything?"

Rey sighs, closing her laptop slightly. Obviously she's not going to get much done while he still has Finn on his mind.

"No. Finn and I have never done anything. Not even on a dare." Yes, she's lying but it's mainly to avoid any sort of argument.

Ezra raises an eyebrow. "You're a shit liar, Rey."

And, yeah. She kind of is.

She momentarily contemplates telling him the truth. The real truth. The ' _yeah, we've actually been having sex for the past six months_ ' truth, but she ultimately decides not to. She actually wants things between the two of them to work and telling him something like that might not be the best foundation to build a relationship on. Then again, a lie wouldn't be any better either.

So, she muses, this is what being stuck between a rock and hard place feels like.

Rey grabs the pencil near her hand and bounces the eraser on top of her notebook a few times before responding to him.

"Okay, if I tell you something you have to promise not to get upset." Her bottom lip wedges between her teeth as he nods slowly. "Before we met - like months and months before - Finn and I were actually...friends with benefits for a little while."

His eyebrows nearly shoot up off his face. "Like you two were sleeping together? For how long?"

She winces. "Couple months."

He stays quiet for a long while and it gives Rey time to study his expression and try to figure out what he's feeling. She can't. She has no idea what Ezra's thinking and that's terrifying.

He suddenly springs up from his seat, storming off for the library exit. And while she really doesn't have time to deal with his temper tantrum, she does follow him out all the same.

"Ezra, wait!" She calls out to him, struggling to stuff her laptop into her backpack and cut him off in the parking lot all at the same time. When she reaches him, she grabs his bicep and he promptly shrugs her off. "You cannot seriously be mad at me for something I did before I met you."

"I think I can be a little mad if what you did affects our relationship." He swears silently to himself. "He's the reason you never want to do anything more than kiss, isn't he?"

Rey hesitates a moment before answering. "Kind of - I mean no! No, he's not. My intimacy hang ups are all my own."

He lets out a forced chuckle. "You only have one intimacy hang up and his name is Finn."

She should have just lied to him. That probably would've been a lot less...dramatic.

"Listen Rey, I like you and everything, but I think maybe you have some unresolved feelings when it comes to Finn. I completely understand being close to someone but - " he shrugs, lips pursed. "It just sort of feels like I can't be your boyfriend because you already have one."

"Finn is not my boyfriend, okay? So - " she stops and blinks a few times once she actually digests what he said. "Hang on, are you breaking up with me?"

At least he has the decency to look apologetic about it.

"I'm sorry but I would rather not spend an entire relationship competing to be your number one priority."

"How can you say that when you haven't even given us a chance to work out? I mean we've only been dating for like a month!" Rey isn't going to let him do this. She isn't going to let him give up so easily over something so stupid. "You really wanna break up because I slept with someone before we got together? I'm sure you've had previous partners and you don't see me throwing in the towel because of it."

"The difference is I don't talk to my ex's anymore. Yours is still very much in your life. You can't blame me for being a little uncomfortable with that."

Actually, she can blame him and she will.

But in some ways she understands it, though. She isn't so sure she would be so cavalier about things if someone he's slept with also happened to be someone he was constantly hanging out with. She may not agree with it, but she can definitely understand it.

"If you ever work out your feelings for Finn and find out that there truly is nothing there," Ezra steps toward her and places his hand on her forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Feel free to call me. See you around, Rey."

She watches him walk away without a word. She isn't quite sure if she wants to cry or scream or punch something or all of the above.

All she wanted to do was come to the library and finish her damn essay. Instead, she got dumped. And her essay is still unfinished.

Sometimes her life really, really sucks.

\\\\\\\

When Rey gets off of the lift on his floor, an angry looking red-headed woman is stomping away from Finn - who's standing at his door, grimacing - and nearly barrels her over on her way into the lift.

"So you're actually dating other girls now?" She asks once she reaches him.

"No, that was just a girl I met on Tinder." He laughs but it's humorless. "She came in, saw the photo I have of the two of us on my coffee table and promptly stormed out. Said she doesn't trust guys with female best friends. Whatever that means." He sighs and shoves his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. "Anyway, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. What brings you 'round?"

This time around, the distance between them was purposeful. Ever since Ezra suggested she needed to work out her feelings for Finn, Rey's actually taken some time by herself to just think. Now, she was done thinking and all she wanted was to see him.

"Me and Ezra broke up and I really need Finn my best friend, not Finn my sexual partner." She says with a smile she knows is sad.

"I mean they're technically the same guy, but - " Finn waves his hand, as if he's dismissing his own thought. "Uh, you want me to make you something? Grilled cheese? Pancakes? Take out?"

She sighs. "Would you mind making me a hot chocolate?"

He wraps an arm around her shoulder and leads her inside his apartment. "I will make you as many hot chocolates as you want."

Once they're in his foyer, Rey stops and turns to slip her arms around him. She buries her face in his chest, inhaling the smell of him. Just that alone is considerably comforting.

"I need hugs too." She mumbles and feels the vibrations of him laughing.

"Hugs and hot cocoa. Coming right up."

Finn ends up making Rey three cups of hot chocolate, all with a ridiculous amount of mini marshmallows in them. She drinks them while the two of them watch the last couple innings of a baseball game that was on tv.

"Alright, I gotta know," he starts once the game is in the eighth inning. It's a blowout; it's safe for them to ignore the tail end of the game. "Why'd you and Ezra break up?"

"Same reason your date left you." She tips back her mug, attempting to get to the few marshmallows stuck at the bottom of the cup. "He was uncomfortable with how close we are."

Finn lets out a puff of air, head shaking. "Some people can be so insecure."

"But don't you think maybe he was right? Maybe we _are_ way too close?"

Rey's thought about it a lot the past couple of days. She can see how their relationship might look from the outside looking in. There isn't anything Finn wouldn't do for her and vice versa. She can definitely see how that would seem threatening to potential romantic partners.

"No, I don't." He says, with a frown. "I think our relationship is fine. Ezra was just an insecure douche who - "

"He was actually a really nice guy, Finn. I really liked him." She interrupts, because he really was. Finn doesn't need to speak ill of him.

He sighs and she feels him remove his arm from around her. "Well what do you want me to say then, Rey? That he was right? That we should change our entire relationship to appease some dude you probably only would've dated for, like, five minutes, much like every other guy you date?"

She shifts on the couch, angling her body towards him. "Oh and I suppose you're the king of long term relationships? Your last relationship literally lasted four days. Four. Days."

"We only broke up because I missed her birthday party and the only reason I missed her birthday was because you had the flu and you needed someone to take care of you!" He yells, pointing an accusatory finger at her.

How did they go from hot cocoa to a screaming match so quickly?

"I'm a grown woman, Finn! I could've looked after myself!" She reminds him, conveniently leaving out the small detail that she actually did call him a lot when she was sick. Granted she didn't expect him to ditch his girlfriend's party to bring her soup and pick up her medicine, but still. She supposes she has _some_ blame in that particular breakup.

"Yeah, well it might shock you to know that I actually _wanted_ to take care of you! I always want to take care of you, Rey! Because I - " Finn stops on a dime, his mouth pressing shut as if to physically keep the words from leaving him.

For all the yelling they were doing, it seems strange how quiet they both suddenly got. There's nothing but the sound of the commentators on the tv discussing the game and Finn's neighbor's dog barking.

"Because you...?"

"I love you, okay? Don't act like I've never said that to you before because I have."

He has said that her, many times in fact. She's actually said it to him, too, but - there's something she's been meaning to ask him to clarify for her.

"Well I love you too, you know that. But loving someone and being in love with them are two _very_ different things." Rey swallows, eyes fixed on him. "So do you just love me or are you, you know, in love with me?"

Finn's quiet for what was probably only ten seconds but felt like a century. Rey can hear her heartbeat in her ears. She doesn't know if she's ever been this nervous to hear an answer to a question before.

"I don't know what being in love feels like so I guess I don't really know. What I do know is that I would absolutely do anything for you. I'd protect you to the ends of the earth and do whatever I have to do to keep you happy. You're - " he clears his throat, his eyes suddenly looking very watery. "You're the most important person in the world to me, Rey."

"And you know I feel the exact same way, right? You're more than just my best friend, Finn. You're my - " she stops herself from saying the word she wants to (soulmate; for fucks sake, she was gonna call him her _soulmate_ ) and let's out a huff of laughter instead. "Gosh, it sounds like were exchanging wedding vows or something."

"Guess we can't use them for our actual wedding then, huh?" He muses with a laugh of his own.

"See? You say stuff like that sometimes and I can never tell if you're joking or not. Like remember at Jess' graduation party when you called me the future mother of your children? I almost had a coronary because you looked _very_ serious about that."

"And if I was? Serious, I mean."

"Finn, stop beating around the bush. Either tell me you're in love with me or - "

"Okay. I'm in love with you."

"- stop saying shit like we're gonna have three kids and a mini van someday because that really messes with my head."

"Rey," Finn lays a hand on her knee to get her attention. "I just said it."

"Said what?" She asks, face scrunched up in confusion. Then she quickly realizes what it is he just said. "Oh! _Oh_."

"So do you feel the same or is this about to be the most embarrassing moment of my entire existence?" His foot is tapping nervously, and, honestly, he has nothing to be nervous about.

Rey's silent for a moment - _say it back, you idiot! say it say it sayitsayitsayit_ \- before she quickly nods. Because yeah, she supposes she is in love with Finn.

She loves the way he's the gentlest person she knows, yet strong and commanding at the same time. She loves the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. She loves the feeling she gets whenever she sees him smile. She loves how selfless he can be and how fiercely protective he is of what's his. She loves the way he loves her.

Oh yeah. She's definitely in love with him.

She's in love with Finn.

Holy shit, she is _in love_ with Finn.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I'm actually in love with you." Rey says, a bit incredulously.

Finn clicks his tongue, clearly offended. "Well, jeez, you don't have to sound so upset about it."

"I'm not! I'm just," she sighs. "I think I may have actually been in love with you for a while, I just never realized. It's kind of blowing my mind right now."

Finn hums. "Oh, I knew I was right after the first time we had sex."

Rey scoffs and hits him on the arm. "Then why didn't you say anything, you absolute bellend!"

"Ow! I just thought maybe I was confusing lust with love!" He's rubbing his arm as if she actually hurt him; what a giant baby. _Her_ giant baby. "But then at Slip's party when I saw you flirting with Ezra - I knew for sure then that I had some serious feelings for you. It wasn't just the thought of someone else touching you or anything like that, it was more not being the guy to make you laugh or take care of you when you're sick or just be there for you. That was terrifying."

She brings her hand up to his cheek, fingertips lightly tracing his jawline. "God, you should've said something, Finn."

He stops her movements, his hand folding over her's. "You seemed happy. I wasn't gonna mess that up."

Rey looks into his eyes, dark and seemingly brimming with adoration, and wonders how she got lucky enough to have such an amazing guy like Finn in her life.

She isn't quite sure how to express what she's feeling to him, so she kisses him. It's gentle and chaste and she hopes he knows what it means, what she's trying to say without actually saying it. When he responds - gives her the same kind of toe-curling kiss he did that night on Poe's porch - she knows he understands. And that he feels the same.

For the first time since the very first night they hooked up, they actually make love.

It's slow and sensual and passionate. Finn looks her in the eyes the entire time and holds her like glass afterwards. It was romantic and sentimental and, honestly, all that was missing was the Ed Sheeran song.

"So," Finn says after pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Rey's curled up against him, legs tangled between his. She never thought she could be so content lying naked with a person, yet here she is. Blissful as can be. "Does this mean we're dating now? Like, can I call you my girlfriend? Introduce you to my parents and such?"

"Your parents already know who I am and you've actually referred to me as your ' _wife_ ' before so - I'm pretty sure we can just continue behaving like we normally do. The only difference being," she leans over and leaves a kiss on his chest. "You're all mine now. I don't have to share you with any girls on Tinder anymore."

He laughs and it sends a pleasant shiver down her spine. "As long as I don't have to share you with any stupid boys you meet at birthday parties."

"Nope," she takes his hand, weaving their fingers together in front of them. "I'm all yours."

Finn hums contently. "I like the sound of that."

And, yeah. Rey likes the sound of that too.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it through the entire fic, i straight up love you.
> 
> kudos/comments are always and forever appreciated!!!


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